My heart is too fucking big. I care about the people in my life too much. I can only keep so many people happy at once and I'm losing my mind. All I wanted to do was help someone I love, and where did it get me? I fucked things up with my family and now I'm drowning in a fucking tar pit. I can't blame anyone but myself for it either, which is the really shitty thing. I always do this. Every goddamn time. And I do it to myself. I put myself in these situations that end up tearing me up from the inside out and I don't know if I'm ever going to be anything better than this. I'm tired, I'm done, I don't want to be the mediator anymore. I don't even want to try. I want to retreat to a rock and forget who I am because I feel too fucking much for one person.
I want to go home, but I have no fucking clue where home is.
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evil15smiles
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Love you so much.
Now, I perfectly understand how you feel, because at one point I've been there myself.
This might sound silly, but ever thought about getting some councelling? I'm not talking shrinks here, but just a psychologist or something? It might help you discover who you are and what you need in your life. Believe me, it helps, you can come to terms with a few things, honestly.
Anyway, the most important person in your life is yourself, that's just a fact. When you realise this, it might be easier to divide your time between everyone or find the right balance.
I know you can do it, so hang in there and don't give up, okay?